Kiss & Ride

The red sex

Cary Blackshaw — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 18:46:52 +0000

Dear Cary Blackshaw,
I’m a hardcore liberal democrat. I know a person who is a hard core conservative republican and we have nothing in common. However, we have hooked up many times and it is the best sex of my life. Why is it that I’m having the hottest, most mind blowing, toe curling sex ever with someone I can’t stand otherwise? Do republicans just secretly wish to be dominated?
Sincerely,
Blue in Arizona

Hi there Blue,

First of all, so sorry for being MIA. Secondly, I must talk politics with you. I’m sure you’ve noticed with the latest debt talks and all how Republicans can be. They aren’t lovey dovey. They are in your face crazy stubborn borderline fools. Which, as a liberal, is the opposite of you. And as humans, we’re attracted to these individuals who are our polar opposites. I’m sure you’ve seen it in TV shows where the two diametrically opposed forces are also bed-mates (I’m looking at you Jessie and Slater from Saved by the Bell!). Is it sustainable? Probably not because you do need more of a connection. But in the meantime I say go for it!

Safe & Sound

Cary Blackshaw — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:12:50 +0000

My thoughts are prayers to those affected by the earthquake in Japan and the surrounding areas.

みんな大丈夫?

Not looking to date

Cary Blackshaw — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 17:57:46 +0000

Hi true believers! Sorry it has been such a long time since we last spoke. The new year has ushered in some new changes. But some things will never change. I think Valentine’s Day brings out weird traits in people. or maybe it’s year-round, I’m not sure. On separate occasions I’ve asked friends if they wanted to hang out. Granted, these aren’t close-knit friends. These are more acquaintances, the outer circle if you will. How about when every time I asked them to hang, the response was “I’m not looking to date” or words to that effect? I’m asking to grab a beer with you, not for your hand in marriage. Don’t flatter yourself. It’s such a dismissive mentality. And really what is that person really trying to say? Do they only hang with folks they date? If so, then they’re going to have a lonely and boring life. And where does that leave someone like me? now why would i want to hang out with someone who was dismissive, thinking I only wanted to date? Now if we ever do hang out you’re probably going to think I’m going to keep trying to get into your pants. And that’s lame.

Plus it also makes me wonder how that person sees themselves when they look in the mirror. Chill out Narcissus. If you’re so in love with how you look in the mirror then keep looking at yourself. I’ll go find someone who actually enjoys my company as a friend. Not everyone is out to screw you. You may think you’re hot shit but you may just be cold diarrhea. Take a bite of humble pie.

To my readers: don’t be so dismissive so soon. You may lose out on making a lasting friendship and connection.

Can Do Better

Cary Blackshaw — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 16:34:20 +0000

I recently discovered a new website while listening to the Elvis Duran Morning Show. Have you ever seen your friend and his or her new mate and thought “he/she can do so much better”? Well, there’s a website out there for you called http://www.candobetter.com. It’s kind of like hot or not from back in the day but even more fun! The only problem I have come across is that the site only does heterosexual matches; there isn’t an option to see same-sex match ups. Maybe I’ll have ot invent my own. Tell your friends! And maybe even have them posted up so the world can see if your friend can or can’t do better.

Best two out of three

Cary Blackshaw — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 22:36:19 +0000

I believe this diagram summarizes the majority of my dating experience, particularly as of late. So sad, but so true. Can you relate?

Buddy Crush

Cary Blackshaw — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 16:48:54 +0000

Dear Cary Blackshaw,

So, I’m in love with my best friend. I know this is a common occurrence among gay friends, so hopefully you have some ready-made advice. At first, I wasn’t interested in him romantically, but as the years have passed and I’ve realized how amazing he is, I find myself pining away for him. I don’t have any other close friends, and I love how he makes me feel loved, appreciated, and worthy of his time. He is the only person in the world with whom I truly feel 100% comfortable just being myself. Based on some of his actions, I have my suspicions that he may feel the same towards me, or at least has some feelings for me. I honestly feel we’re perfect for each other, but I’m scared of approaching the issue with him because if he isn’t of the same mindset, I don’t want to lose the best friend I’ve ever had in my life. We have so much fun together and he means the world to me. It will sound silly, but I really don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else who makes me feel the way he does.
What should I do?

Sincerely,
In Love With My Best Friend

Hi In Love,

Your situation reminds me of that Whitney Houston/Stevie wonder song “We didn’t know.” If you don’t know it, I highly recommend you look it up; it’s from her I’m your baby tonight album (so pre-crack). But basically it’s about two friends who didn’t realize they loved one another. And based on what you’re telling me, it’s quite possible the feeling’s mutual. However, there is that possibility that he’s completely oblivious to it all (some people really can’t see what’s staring in front of them), but again, I’m thinking that’s probably not the case.

As the old saying goes, “a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts” That’s right, get him drunk. Not wasted, just pretty tipsy so the tongue starts spewing things. And do it somewhere fairly public, like at a wine bar or a cozy restaurant. I recommend red wine (my favorite is Port and yes it’s a dessert wine but I don’t care, it’s delicious). Just talk and see where it leads. By having it in a public setting, it means that if something said piques your interest, you won’t be tempted to jump his bones right then and there, and we can’t have that. Just take it slow, but above all, be yourself. Of course that’s a double bind; how can you tell someone to be themselves when the act of being yourself is just that? But we won’t get Zen on this. Just do you.

What’s your status?

Cary Blackshaw — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 23:56:11 +0000

What is your status? No not that kind of status. I’m talking about the Facebook relationship status. I was listening to the radio the other morning (Elvis Duran) and this girl called in saying how she was upset that her high school boyfriend went to college and changed his status from saying “in a relationship” to being completely blank. Before we all say “they’re gonna break up by second semester!”, let’s hold back on second. I know some of my friends swear by facebook relationship status thing. They even go as far as to make their profile pictures of them and their new love all lovey dovey in a pose to elicit awes from friends and family, because that’s what all their single friends are dying to see. Butwhen is this just not a good idea? or better yet, why do we care? The response was mixed. Some thought the guy was obviously cheating and some thought the girl was nuts psycho to even bring it up and think her relationship is in jeopardy because a social networking site told her that her boyfriend was not in or not in a relationship with her.

My philosophy has always been of the type that it’s no one’s business. The folks who know me well know if I’m dating someone; why make it public on facebook? It’s on a need to know basis. If you don’t know I’m seeing someone, then obviously we aren’t that close. It’s almost a form of PDA, and as someone who doesn’t partake in PDA unless I’m obscenely drunk, I just don’t get the point of putting on my facebook that I’m dating someone. I don’t push my relationships on my friends so don’t push it on me.I have and continue to leave that segment of my life blank. I’ve thought of changing it, but honestly, facebook is not a tool for me to find dates. Okay, that’s a lie. But I’m not going to advertise that I’m on the internet meat rack, ready to be eaten alive.

So to review: if you see me out with someone fine and we’re dating, don’t try to start something because my facebook status says otherwise. It’s none of your damn business who I do the late night creep with, and it’s none of my business what you do either. And for the record, I am single so this doesn’t apply. I’m just sayin’.

Dating experiment recap

Cary Blackshaw — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 16:08:12 +0000

So the dating experiment didn’t go nearly as well as anticipated. Sure, I had some dates but not nearly as much as I had hoped for when I started it. But it’s just as well I guess. I mean, let’s be real. Would I really want to go on dates with a bunch of randoms every night? Those things get expensive! Beggars can’t be choosers but go figure once the project ended I was asked on four dates, three of them while walking my dog. Figures.

I’d be up for trying this again at a later date. But right now I’m going to focus on other things, like answering your questions!

Date 02

Cary Blackshaw — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 23:54:15 +0000

Note to self: be careful when bars have two for one specials. Doing this date experiment, I am held to say yes to dates. Granted, it hasn’t been as successful as I had hoped but I’m still chugging along. Last week I was at a bar, beer goggles on blast and I met someone who requested my number. Easy peasy. As we texted the next few days I had trouble remembered exactly what they looked like. So come actual date night, I was a tad nervous. We chose to go to Verde, a new Mexican spot downtown that’s quickly become one of my favorite places. I was running a tad late and just knew that they were inside the restaurant somewhere. I walked in, saw someone to the right of me and immediately said hello, thinking it was my mystery date. So wrong I was, as they turned around with a surprised awkward look on their face. Fortunately for me, my real date was cuter, actually cuter than I vaguely remembered. I guess the beer goggles didn’t fully kick in as I had thought.

The date went well. Good conversation and talks of the future, one of my favorite topics. If someone is interested in their own future, whether it’s career or personal or any other field, I’m always intrigued. The unknown excites me. I guess that’s also partially why I did this experiment. Overall, another fun-filled time.

You Still Remember Me?

Cary Blackshaw — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 23:42:52 +0000

Hi Micahceous,

So I was out at a bar the other night and this guy walks up to me and asks if I am who he thinks I am. I respond “yes, why?” and he proceeds to tell me that he chatted with me years ago on connexion, remembers where I went to college, where I was from originally, bla bla bla. It must be like 4 years ago that i chat with him. The guy is … cute but definitely overweight. Seems nice enough but whatever. So then he e-mails me that night with his phone number and that I should call him so I just wrote back “thanks.” He comes back with “what’s your number?” I don’t want to be rude or anything but I don’t really want to hang out with him.It wasn’t like we had any meaningful conversation. So what do you think the next step should be?

Hi there F,

You left quite a mark didn’t you? First of all, weird. Ever stalker should know that you should feign dumb when admitting how much information about your stalkee you have stored in your head. Otherwise it’s clear you’re a stalker! I’m not saying it’s not okay to remember someone some years after the fact, I think that’s normal. It’s one thing to say “I met you at a conference x years ago” versus “you drank three vodka-rum concoctions at X Bar after the seminar session on how to target youth in advertising held by Buzz Killington.”

You have two options: ignore him or be honest and say you’re not interested. I’d go with the latter cause based on his history, the kid can’t take a hint. Plus really, sometimes it’s better to be straightforward. Be honest. Say something like “hey it was nice meeting you. have a good time, take care.” by saying “goodbye” to the kid you’re kinda blowing him off but not entirely.