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Just Friends?

Micahceous,

I recently ditched my long-distance, on-again-off-again lover for a more  compatible and more convenient relationship in the same city, but he  still wants to maintain a friendship even though I know he still has  feelings for me.  Can ex-lovers be just friends?

~Hall

Hi Hall,

I assume a friendship would be limited to instant messaging and seeing pics of your tongue down your new beau on facebook. Before we delve into this further, what makes you so sure your ex is still into you? Unless your ex has told you repeatedly they want to get back together, don’t assume. Do you assume it’s because you did the breaking up and they want to remain friends? Your ex may just want to stay friends cause he semi-enjoys your ramblings and he wants a couch to sleep on and a place to slide his member into when he’s visiting your city. He may not be seeking anything other than that. If he is still into you, then you need to ask yourself what you want. Do you want to be able to call him the minute you and your new lover have a fight to dangle a carrot in front of his face?  Is there a secret desire on your part to get back together? This brings me to my next point: Are you over your ex? You pose that your ex isn’t over you but it could very well be the other way around. If not, then maybe you should get out of the convenient relationship you’re in now so you can stop and think; its okay to sleep alone. If you’re over him and don’t have a desire to get back together, then certainly you and your ex can arrange a way to be just friends. Ask yourself this: “If my ex were to live in the same city as me, would I get out of my relationship to be with him?” If the answer’s yes, then you and your ex can’t be “just friends.” You’ll still have that desire and would need to be honest with yourself about the best course of action.

So can ex-lovers be just friends? Yes. But it requires all parties to be honest about what they want and what they expect.

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