Hi true believers! Sorry it has been such a long time since we last spoke. The new year has ushered in some new changes. But some things will never change. I think Valentine’s Day brings out weird traits in people. or maybe it’s year-round, I’m not sure. On separate occasions I’ve asked friends if they wanted to hang out. Granted, these aren’t close-knit friends. These are more acquaintances, the outer circle if you will. How about when every time I asked them to hang, the response was “I’m not looking to date” or words to that effect? I’m asking to grab a beer with you, not for your hand in marriage. Don’t flatter yourself. It’s such a dismissive mentality. And really what is that person really trying to say? Do they only hang with folks they date? If so, then they’re going to have a lonely and boring life. And where does that leave someone like me? now why would i want to hang out with someone who was dismissive, thinking I only wanted to date? Now if we ever do hang out you’re probably going to think I’m going to keep trying to get into your pants. And that’s lame.
Plus it also makes me wonder how that person sees themselves when they look in the mirror. Chill out Narcissus. If you’re so in love with how you look in the mirror then keep looking at yourself. I’ll go find someone who actually enjoys my company as a friend. Not everyone is out to screw you. You may think you’re hot shit but you may just be cold diarrhea. Take a bite of humble pie.
To my readers: don’t be so dismissive so soon. You may lose out on making a lasting friendship and connection.
I recently discovered a new website while listening to the Elvis Duran Morning Show. Have you ever seen your friend and his or her new mate and thought “he/she can do so much better”? Well, there’s a website out there for you called http://www.candobetter.com. It’s kind of like hot or not from back in the day but even more fun! The only problem I have come across is that the site only does heterosexual matches; there isn’t an option to see same-sex match ups. Maybe I’ll have ot invent my own. Tell your friends! And maybe even have them posted up so the world can see if your friend can or can’t do better.
I believe this diagram summarizes the majority of my dating experience, particularly as of late. So sad, but so true. Can you relate?
What is your status? No not that kind of status. I’m talking about the Facebook relationship status. I was listening to the radio the other morning (Elvis Duran) and this girl called in saying how she was upset that her high school boyfriend went to college and changed his status from saying “in a relationship” to being completely blank. Before we all say “they’re gonna break up by second semester!”, let’s hold back on second. I know some of my friends swear by facebook relationship status thing. They even go as far as to make their profile pictures of them and their new love all lovey dovey in a pose to elicit awes from friends and family, because that’s what all their single friends are dying to see. Butwhen is this just not a good idea? or better yet, why do we care? The response was mixed. Some thought the guy was obviously cheating and some thought the girl was nuts psycho to even bring it up and think her relationship is in jeopardy because a social networking site told her that her boyfriend was not in or not in a relationship with her.
My philosophy has always been of the type that it’s no one’s business. The folks who know me well know if I’m dating someone; why make it public on facebook? It’s on a need to know basis. If you don’t know I’m seeing someone, then obviously we aren’t that close. It’s almost a form of PDA, and as someone who doesn’t partake in PDA unless I’m obscenely drunk, I just don’t get the point of putting on my facebook that I’m dating someone. I don’t push my relationships on my friends so don’t push it on me.I have and continue to leave that segment of my life blank. I’ve thought of changing it, but honestly, facebook is not a tool for me to find dates. Okay, that’s a lie. But I’m not going to advertise that I’m on the internet meat rack, ready to be eaten alive.
So to review: if you see me out with someone fine and we’re dating, don’t try to start something because my facebook status says otherwise. It’s none of your damn business who I do the late night creep with, and it’s none of my business what you do either. And for the record, I am single so this doesn’t apply. I’m just sayin’.
Last weekend I took a trip to lovely Ann Arbor for a wedding between two very good friends and former track teammates from college. The wedding itself combined with Irish and Jewish traditions, making for a unique experience. Overall, well done and beautiful. The great thing about weddings is seeing friends you may not otherwise see and catch up on their dating lives, since at weddings really the only thing to talk about is how much you do or do not want to get hitched and the prospects of that happening. At weddings, we see surprise couple pairings, some surprise breakups, and pictures of the new dog as a stepping stone to moving onto babies. One thing I noticed though was the high level of autonomy between the couples. There wasn’t a lot of hanging onto one another. Sure, the wedding acted like a bit of a reunion for all of us, but it often felt like a large group of friends rather than various couples converging. And if I recall, it’s always been that way with couples on the team. Either they don’t like PDA or they just have a unique sense of identity. Are we this way because we all share similar values which led us to attend the same college? Or is it because we all did track? After all, track is probably the most individual team sport there is. We have teams, but the performance is all about the individual. It got me thinking. Are we, as track athletes, more independent in our relationships than say, a football player? We don’t have plays to memorize, just a lot of mental preparation before and during our races and events. When the gun goes off, are we running together or running separately while holding our batons?
Looking forward, independence in a relationship is something I want. Having been in situations where I both was independent and dependent on a person, I definitely strive for my own autonomy. And really, don’t we all want our own identity, whether single or married? Marriage certainly isn’t in the cards for me yet but anything can happen between now and tomorrow.
Oh and the food was delicious.
When a person starts a new job, there are always new people to meet. As these bonds develop over the course of weeks and months, these bonds evolve. They turn into Friday night happy hours, club outings, and in some cases, full-on romance. It’s entirely natural to develop these feelings; when you’re around someone for 40+hours a week, you naturally will develop some level of bonding. And though dating in the workplace can come and go, sometimes resulting in problems and awkwardness for any and all parties involved, it keeps happening. I’m not going to talk about coworkers developing feelings for other coworkers. No, for you see, there’s yet another dimension that I did not mention: the crushing that happens between those who provide services and those who seek them.
I work for an organization that provides different services to clients. Our clients are everyday people and I’ve seen many different walks of life since working here. These services are pretty vital right now for many people. I met this woman in her 40s and have been helping her out, using our organization’s resources to best suit her needs and help her get ahead in life. Things started out just like any other client. I received her life sob story and learned more about her family and aspirations than I ever wanted to know. But that’s typical of my job. I helped her as best as I could and she seemed quite thankful.
Then the phone calls started. At first it was to call ahead for an appointment. But then it turned into status updates, like facebook or twitter but much longer than 140 characters. More like a diatribe for twenty minutes. I just figured she needed someone to talk to, and as part of my job that’s what I’m meant to do. Mistake #1.
The conversations seemed benign. Occasionally she would ask me about myself and though I wouldn’t reveal much about my life outside of something you can find on my CV or by searching for my name online, she did ask a few things here and there. More than once she asked if I was single. She found it funny that I wear a wedding band on my right hand (For the record, I don’t wear it to trick people or make a statement; it’s because I genuinely like the way the titanium band looks). Of course I admitted the truth, that I’m single. Mistake #2.
It has gotten to a point now where she calls, emails, or will visit our office every day. At first I thought she was just on the ball, trying to use up our organization as much as she could and stay ahead. That is, until this past Monday when she called and admitted she had a crush on me and thinks I’m cute. Talk about awkward! I told her that our relationship is strictly professional but I don’t think she really cares.
Today she made me brownies and later sent an email saying she hoped I liked them “soft and moist.” She also wants me to come over and fix her computer on Saturday. Who did I piss off to get this kind of karma? I didn’t eat the brownies. There’s no telling if she put some of Cupid’s arrow in it so I’ll fall in love the moment I see her. That’s not for me! I responded to the computer request telling her that if her computer turns on properly, then nothing’s wrong. I have the sinking suspicion she’s just looking for any reason to have me over. Either way, I’m not taking the bait. That’s just…wrong. On so many levels.
Our building doesn’t have security so who knows what will happen next! I need to get out of here before this turns into some fatal attraction mess. I’m fashionable and always look my best and be polite. Maybe it’s working against me. But wait, I hear that people can be even more attracted when the person they like is a jerk. I can’t win.
Sometimes I forget we are in the midst of war. I’m currently in Michigan for a wedding (more on that later) and on the flight up I sat next to a marine. He was around my age and was visiting home before being shipped to Afghanistan. I know of friends and family members who know people going into the war zone,but this was the first person I ever met that was going to Afghanistan. I wished him good luck though that may have been a tad insensitive. This guy is fighting for our freedom yet there’s a chance he may not get a chance to enjoy the freedoms I have. We aren’t that different. Hopefully he knows he’s loved by his friends and family. In the end, that’s what matters: love.
I know I’ll never see the marine again but I hope its not because of unfortunate circumstance.