So the dating experiment didn’t go nearly as well as anticipated. Sure, I had some dates but not nearly as much as I had hoped for when I started it. But it’s just as well I guess. I mean, let’s be real. Would I really want to go on dates with a bunch of randoms every night? Those things get expensive! Beggars can’t be choosers but go figure once the project ended I was asked on four dates, three of them while walking my dog. Figures.
I’d be up for trying this again at a later date. But right now I’m going to focus on other things, like answering your questions!
Note to self: be careful when bars have two for one specials. Doing this date experiment, I am held to say yes to dates. Granted, it hasn’t been as successful as I had hoped but I’m still chugging along. Last week I was at a bar, beer goggles on blast and I met someone who requested my number. Easy peasy. As we texted the next few days I had trouble remembered exactly what they looked like. So come actual date night, I was a tad nervous. We chose to go to Verde, a new Mexican spot downtown that’s quickly become one of my favorite places. I was running a tad late and just knew that they were inside the restaurant somewhere. I walked in, saw someone to the right of me and immediately said hello, thinking it was my mystery date. So wrong I was, as they turned around with a surprised awkward look on their face. Fortunately for me, my real date was cuter, actually cuter than I vaguely remembered. I guess the beer goggles didn’t fully kick in as I had thought.
The date went well. Good conversation and talks of the future, one of my favorite topics. If someone is interested in their own future, whether it’s career or personal or any other field, I’m always intrigued. The unknown excites me. I guess that’s also partially why I did this experiment. Overall, another fun-filled time.
So I was out at a bar the other night and this guy walks up to me and asks if I am who he thinks I am. I respond “yes, why?” and he proceeds to tell me that he chatted with me years ago on connexion, remembers where I went to college, where I was from originally, bla bla bla. It must be like 4 years ago that i chat with him. The guy is … cute but definitely overweight. Seems nice enough but whatever. So then he e-mails me that night with his phone number and that I should call him so I just wrote back “thanks.” He comes back with “what’s your number?” I don’t want to be rude or anything but I don’t really want to hang out with him.It wasn’t like we had any meaningful conversation. So what do you think the next step should be?
Hi there F,
You left quite a mark didn’t you? First of all, weird. Ever stalker should know that you should feign dumb when admitting how much information about your stalkee you have stored in your head. Otherwise it’s clear you’re a stalker! I’m not saying it’s not okay to remember someone some years after the fact, I think that’s normal. It’s one thing to say “I met you at a conference x years ago” versus “you drank three vodka-rum concoctions at X Bar after the seminar session on how to target youth in advertising held by Buzz Killington.”
You have two options: ignore him or be honest and say you’re not interested. I’d go with the latter cause based on his history, the kid can’t take a hint. Plus really, sometimes it’s better to be straightforward. Be honest. Say something like “hey it was nice meeting you. have a good time, take care.” by saying “goodbye” to the kid you’re kinda blowing him off but not entirely.
Last weekend I took a trip to lovely Ann Arbor for a wedding between two very good friends and former track teammates from college. The wedding itself combined with Irish and Jewish traditions, making for a unique experience. Overall, well done and beautiful. The great thing about weddings is seeing friends you may not otherwise see and catch up on their dating lives, since at weddings really the only thing to talk about is how much you do or do not want to get hitched and the prospects of that happening. At weddings, we see surprise couple pairings, some surprise breakups, and pictures of the new dog as a stepping stone to moving onto babies. One thing I noticed though was the high level of autonomy between the couples. There wasn’t a lot of hanging onto one another. Sure, the wedding acted like a bit of a reunion for all of us, but it often felt like a large group of friends rather than various couples converging. And if I recall, it’s always been that way with couples on the team. Either they don’t like PDA or they just have a unique sense of identity. Are we this way because we all share similar values which led us to attend the same college? Or is it because we all did track? After all, track is probably the most individual team sport there is. We have teams, but the performance is all about the individual. It got me thinking. Are we, as track athletes, more independent in our relationships than say, a football player? We don’t have plays to memorize, just a lot of mental preparation before and during our races and events. When the gun goes off, are we running together or running separately while holding our batons?
Looking forward, independence in a relationship is something I want. Having been in situations where I both was independent and dependent on a person, I definitely strive for my own autonomy. And really, don’t we all want our own identity, whether single or married? Marriage certainly isn’t in the cards for me yet but anything can happen between now and tomorrow.
Oh and the food was delicious.
When a person starts a new job, there are always new people to meet. As these bonds develop over the course of weeks and months, these bonds evolve. They turn into Friday night happy hours, club outings, and in some cases, full-on romance. It’s entirely natural to develop these feelings; when you’re around someone for 40+hours a week, you naturally will develop some level of bonding. And though dating in the workplace can come and go, sometimes resulting in problems and awkwardness for any and all parties involved, it keeps happening. I’m not going to talk about coworkers developing feelings for other coworkers. No, for you see, there’s yet another dimension that I did not mention: the crushing that happens between those who provide services and those who seek them.
I work for an organization that provides different services to clients. Our clients are everyday people and I’ve seen many different walks of life since working here. These services are pretty vital right now for many people. I met this woman in her 40s and have been helping her out, using our organization’s resources to best suit her needs and help her get ahead in life. Things started out just like any other client. I received her life sob story and learned more about her family and aspirations than I ever wanted to know. But that’s typical of my job. I helped her as best as I could and she seemed quite thankful.
Then the phone calls started. At first it was to call ahead for an appointment. But then it turned into status updates, like facebook or twitter but much longer than 140 characters. More like a diatribe for twenty minutes. I just figured she needed someone to talk to, and as part of my job that’s what I’m meant to do. Mistake #1.
The conversations seemed benign. Occasionally she would ask me about myself and though I wouldn’t reveal much about my life outside of something you can find on my CV or by searching for my name online, she did ask a few things here and there. More than once she asked if I was single. She found it funny that I wear a wedding band on my right hand (For the record, I don’t wear it to trick people or make a statement; it’s because I genuinely like the way the titanium band looks). Of course I admitted the truth, that I’m single. Mistake #2.
It has gotten to a point now where she calls, emails, or will visit our office every day. At first I thought she was just on the ball, trying to use up our organization as much as she could and stay ahead. That is, until this past Monday when she called and admitted she had a crush on me and thinks I’m cute. Talk about awkward! I told her that our relationship is strictly professional but I don’t think she really cares.
Today she made me brownies and later sent an email saying she hoped I liked them “soft and moist.” She also wants me to come over and fix her computer on Saturday. Who did I piss off to get this kind of karma? I didn’t eat the brownies. There’s no telling if she put some of Cupid’s arrow in it so I’ll fall in love the moment I see her. That’s not for me! I responded to the computer request telling her that if her computer turns on properly, then nothing’s wrong. I have the sinking suspicion she’s just looking for any reason to have me over. Either way, I’m not taking the bait. That’s just…wrong. On so many levels.
Our building doesn’t have security so who knows what will happen next! I need to get out of here before this turns into some fatal attraction mess. I’m fashionable and always look my best and be polite. Maybe it’s working against me. But wait, I hear that people can be even more attracted when the person they like is a jerk. I can’t win.
Sometimes I forget we are in the midst of war. I’m currently in Michigan for a wedding (more on that later) and on the flight up I sat next to a marine. He was around my age and was visiting home before being shipped to Afghanistan. I know of friends and family members who know people going into the war zone,but this was the first person I ever met that was going to Afghanistan. I wished him good luck though that may have been a tad insensitive. This guy is fighting for our freedom yet there’s a chance he may not get a chance to enjoy the freedoms I have. We aren’t that different. Hopefully he knows he’s loved by his friends and family. In the end, that’s what matters: love.
I know I’ll never see the marine again but I hope its not because of unfortunate circumstance.
One of the reasons I’m doing the date experiment is because, as a somewhat newcomer to Phoenix, I don’t know about a lot of places to go out or things to do. So of course I love it when people suggest going to places I’ve never heard of before. So of course my tongue was twirling when 01 asked me out to Vig off of Bethany Home and 16th Street. I thought they said “Fig” or “Bic” or “Vick” but not “Vig.”
Vig has a very nice ambiance. I almost felt like I was in a treehouse. Very high ceilings and the restaurant is enclosed in such a way that, despite being an outdoor patio, it’s designed in a way so that it’s enclosed and thus technically indoors. We drank beers and chatted, talking about something most pressing for folks our age: careers and our future. Sure, there was a little talk of Lady Gaga but that’s typical given she was in town.The conversation flowed and didn’t seem forced after the first few minutes of awkwardness.
The food arrived and my carne asada pancake was most divine. 01’s tenderloin looked and tasted quite delicious as well. At the end of the date 01 and I had a slight awkward moment when the valet brought my car up and I hesitated as to run towards my car or hug 01. But all in all, a smooth date without any hiccups. It was a solid first date and a great way to start this experiment.